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Le Sigh…
I was thinking today of what’s going on with me lately. It’s complicated and I don’t understand a lot of it but I have noticed that really recently I’m feeling a bit… useless. Not in a way that ‘woe is me. No one loves me’. Not like that at all. Yes, my friend group is changing and no, I didn’t feel totally ‘at home’ last night in the port when I was surrounded by lots of people who I’m supposed to be really friendly with. I felt a bit isolated and a misfit. But regardless of that, I didn’t feel unloved. I’ve just accepted my friend group is changing and I’m watching to see how that’ll map out.
But.. maybe it’s because I’m reading the hunger games atm and everything’s all fast-paced and life threatening etc, I dunno, but I feel like my time is.. wasted. Like I’ve a lot of free time and nothing to show for it. I mean, today I;
read
watched a movie
ate EVERYTHING
….and that’s it. How pathetic. I have all these hopes and dreams and I’m spending my time going ‘those are for the future. I’m just going to sleep & eat for now.’ And it feels pathetic. And I think that’s where I am at the minute. I need something of more substance in my life. Which is why I was so excited to hear about Exodus’ plans for having ‘impact’ nights (nights themed on outreach such as random acts of kindness etc) next year and I was looking forward to what I could bring to the table and how it may pre-occupy me.
And this is kinda exactly what Ecclesiastes talks about. But in my mind God doesn’t come in to this. Not a lot. I have God & my relationship with Him & I’m happy with that. Okay, I can continue it and go deeper with Him at my own leisure. But people have always done outreach for God in a really cliché way. Like, I have never thought that going ‘Jesus loves you!’ will get you very far. I’m more of a slow/gentle approach kinda gal! I personally think we need to change our approach to get people to respond. But I hate thinking about all that kinda stuff. I hate fundraisers, I hate setting out to convert someone and I hate feeling like a cult! Christianity is not a cult! …so that’s why I want to do something nice with my time but not be some kinda missionary kid.
Everyone takes everything too seriously sometimes! and it feels like all I wanna do is have fun but I’m the only one who thinks that and therefore I feel like I’m not taking things seriously enough, when in reality I’m freaking out over nothing!
And there was something else I was going to say… but I forget. But I think you get the gist! I feel like I have my health but not doing anything with it! And I’m starting to fall back into that feeling that everything’s worthless and pointless. And I know the answer’s God.. but God and I are fine. So therefore I don’t feel like I have to ‘deal with’ my relationship with God.. because it’s fine. But then I sometimes wonder am I just deluding myself?
ARGH.
This week hasn’t been a brilliant week. It hasn’t been awfully bad either though. Which is what makes defining anything I feel right now impossible. Because it’s mixed. Every time I try to write about it or think about it or rationalise it… just… no. Just… no. Every time. It just doesn’t come. I just can’t seem to reach that calm, intimate, self-reflecting place. Like my body refuses to address anything to do with me. And sometimes when I reach that point I go dizzy. And I’m dizzy right now. And so I guess I’m going to endure this as I can, doing what makes me happy, until I reach a point when my body will finally let me think about everything properly. Because even now, all this I’ve just written is complete crap to me.
But it’s okay because once I accidentally spilt coke on my kitchen bench and it (genuinely & very randomly) landed like this:
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Do:
- Be patient
- Be understanding
- Be happy & smiley
- Appreciate that life gets to the best of us
- Embrace yourself in the Holy Spirit
- Have a lifestyle where God’s presence is so strongly uncanny
- Have friends because of who they are.. nothing else
- Create opinions by actions not opinions
- Be excited for the future
- Bless every tiny thing through prayer
- Show people what you truly believe, not tell them what you should
- Appreciate everything
- Never lose sight of the things that inspire you
- Dare to Love
- Dream big
Don’t:
- Hurt intentionally
- Beat yourself up because someone else got hurt
- Be too hard on yourself
- Be lazy!
- Be greedy
- Hold yourself back and deny yourself good things
- Allow yourself to think negatively
- Tell yourself it’s wrong to be happy
- Run away when you know you’re stronger than that
- Fall subject to fear or limitations
- Turn away from something that you feel is right
- Base your life on what other people say
- Ever stop being you!
Life and, effectively, faith is not about a to-do list. It’s not about rules either. Its about being the best person you can be and achieving the most goodness out of it. I follow a God who’s full of goodness and it’s my duty to show the world that that’s who He really is, not all the stuff the world says He is. These were, originally, the ‘dos and don’ts of Christianity’ but now they’re just the ‘dos and don’ts of a life well lived’.
adamgaryreid asked: You think Toms a sexy beast don't you?
hahaha yes! yes I do ;) :P lmao.
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Unleash!
Unleash last night at Exodus was seriously amazing! It was exactly what we needed! I thought it was very inspiring! :)
I arrived late and missed where the scripture is from but something tells me it’s in 2nd Kings (or quite possibly 1st). Anyhow, it’s not unknown that there is such thing as the persecuted church. There are people who contrast so strongly to us who do not have the freedom and the liberty as we do to worship God and exist without fear. Now, freedom is definitely a good thing. But if it is, why isn’t it noticeable that we live in freedom?
So, to dive in deeper, the question was asked; ‘How can our freedom hinder us/hold us back?’
- There’s no incentive. We’re not being pushed forward into working for God and making an impact because there’s nothing standing against us so we can do it at our own leisure
- It’s not our responsibility. The church is a collective thing. The bible says that many parts make one body and each part is as vital as the other. Yes, we all make one body. But if each part didn’t function properly, to the best of its ability, that wouldn’t be the case! The church, the future of the church, the growth and impact of the church is influenced by us. So many people feel unvalued because they don’t see their impact. They leave it up to the more authoritative roles which means only half of God’s people are achieving movements in His name. Yes, we all achieve something in our lifetime. But why stop at a few?
- It’s not hard to believe when your life is good. It’s not hard to believe that God is good to His people when He is being good. It’s your reactions to your struggles that mean something and show more of God’s Spirit in you than anything else will.
-Persecution drives passion. There’s no urgency. We’re not put under pressure, so we don’t feel the need to drive ministry in any form, further. When we should. People in the persecuted church depend on God for their lives. They don’t know if the food in their hands will be their last meal. They don’t know if tomorrow’s their last day. In fairness, neither do we nor does anyone, but they live by it so much more so than we do. We’re so secure in our lives and futures we don’t live like this is our last day. If we did, His word would reach so much further but because we don’t, we aren’t fulfilling the church’s full potential.
- Freedom = choice. Freedom means choosing to follow God. Those in the persecuted church follow God because yes they want to but they realise the outcome is catastrophic if they don’t turn to Him for help. Despite the fact that they coincide with us in this way, we can choose to allow things of the world to distract us from our relationship with God. We’re so relaxed in the sense of security of other Christians around us, we hold off developing our relationship with God until it matters most because we know that we can. The persecuted church is so unsure of anything they do everything now in case they can’t later. We don’t know our future any more than they do, but our freedom means we’ve stopped living like this and started to pursue other things first before God. Our freedom of choice means we can decide to hold off following God until we feel like it and get away with it. But I dare say this won’t be the case forever. And it’s not really achieving much if it is the case. Our freedom of choice is our freedom to allow a negative influence to enter our lives.
In continuing with this, we considered how we can use our freedom as an advantage;
- We can reach out to others because we’re allowed to. We have the freedom to pray in cafes and talk about God in supermarkets. We’re allowed to openly say we’re Christians and write about it on our social networking sites. If the law isn’t stopping us, why are we stopping ourselves?
- Using others passion as an example and encouragement. The persecuted church holds so much more passion and fire for God than we do. And we’re the ones with freedom. We can’t put others to shame by holding back with what we’re allowed to do! We should use their example as a more recent bible example of how faithful God is and how good it is to follow Him. We should make them proud by living for God’s glory instead of watching them do it instead.
-We can openly meet and study Christ which helps our personal development. Take advantage of the freedom we have! Go to Bible studies and prayer meetings, host Christian gatherings, enjoy each other’s company and have fellowship the way God intended and commanded! Live in, enjoy and glorify God’s name and presence, encouraging each other to develop in this!
Freedom won’t last forever. Not on earth it won’t. Don’t regret it when it’s too late!
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“we know that those who are God’s children do not continue to sin. The son of God keeps them safe, and the Evil One cannot touch them. We know that we belong to God but the Evil One controls the world. We also know that the Son of God has come and given us understanding so that we can know the True One (God) and our lives are in the True One and His Son Jesus Christ. He is the one True God and the eternal life”
-1 John 5:18-20
basically we all sin but those who truly belong to God/repent are set free because of what Jesus did. And this freedom is where our happiness comes from. Because we are grateful to God.so…The Bible is recognising that the world belongs to the Evil One now. The devil has taken control of what was God’s through sin but God won us back by Jesus. So you’re right. The whole world HAS come to ruin. But that’s because it belongs to the devil. God is the way out. God is above the world. He’s IN the world but not OF the world. He’s more than the world. He’s better. Stronger. Bigger. So much more magnificent. And the only way you’ll ever experience anything greater than the world is through Him.
“Because everyone who is a child of God conquers the world. And this is the victory that conquers the world - our faith”
-1 John 5:4
We’re so arrogant, aren’t we?
so afraid of age, we do everything we can to prevent it. We don’t realise what a privilege it is to grow old with someone. Someone who doesn’t drive you to commit murder or doesn’t humiliate you beyond repair.
- P.s. I love you. <3
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I think people like Cal’s family (and I can’t believe I’m writing this so publicly…) inspire me so much because they carry the grace of God around with them. Through everything they do. And it’s a light that shines and radiates their whole lives. Everything they have the Lord has blessed. Because they’ve offered it to Him to do so. And He rules in their lives. And I can see that he sometimes faces conflict but he sticks strictly to what he knows is right and the Lord blesses him for it. So Christian friends know this, your own trials and tribulations and intimacy with God are what expand to your outward grace and love that you show because of Him and for Him. So rejoice, take heart and pay attention to the quiet moments with God.
Someone who lives a life of God is someone very captivating.
A strong, independent woman reassured by Christ’s love and acceptance of her; a loving and embracing family bonded so closely together by God’s presence; and a righteous man filled with goodness, led by the authority of God’s reign. These things are oh so desireable. And they all come from God. The world so easily masks the simple fact that all we could ever want comes from God. He has power over everything. The only thing He can’t do is sin.. so why are we still searching elsewhere?
When God begins to consume you, you begin to become the person you want to be… because you begin to become the person He wants you to be! And the Lord blesses those who seek Him first.
“Seek first the kingdom of the Lord and all these things shall be added unto you”
- Matthew 6:33
2nd Peter instructs us rather clearly;
“to your faith, add goodness; and to your goodness, add knowledge;and to your knowledge, add self-control; and to your self-control, add patience; and to your patience, add service for God; and to your service for God, add kindness for your brothers and sisters in Christ; and to this kindness, add love. If all these things are in you and are growing, they will help you to be useful and productive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
- 2nd Peter 1:5-8
Peter is telling us the attributes that we should have and affectively display as God’s people. We should display them as an accurate portrayal of God and we should have them because they are from God and we should be immersed in Him.
The reason our souls, minds and bodies often reject this in the thinking that non-Christians will reject this is because
a)that’s exactly what the devil wants us to think
and b) everything in the Lord needs to be reinforced by the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is what makes the word, God’s word, come alive . Because HE is alive! and working!
Sound doctrine is nothing without the Holy Spirit (which at first I was told but now I’ve been shown!) Thus meaning, the Church and we are nothing without the Holy Spirit! And you cannot use something you know nothing about! (Although, He will use you… NOT vice versa!)
So basically… It’s time to immerse ourselves in God’s presence and the Spirit to start living and getting somewhere!
God not only called us and set us apart;
“But God had special plans for me and set me apart for His work before I was born. He called me through His grace.”
- Galatians 1:15
but the Spirit also came to make it possible! Holy Spirit I love You and I pray that You consume me!
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Maybe we were meant to be lonely, And she’s in love with him but lovers don’t always win
[Too lost to blog properly right now.]I feel like I’m fighting a bigger issue here. Like, for the first time, coming back to the fundamentals isn’t enough. The constant feelings, tensions, hearing the never ending snide remarks. It doesn’t stop. Thinking badly of your best friend and talking yourself out of it because you know who they really are. It doesn’t stop. The constant quick conclusions. Make it stop. At this rate I’ll end up alone. It feels like the only way I could ever remotely like/love/whatever comes in between someone again is if it happens and I fight it my whole life until I have to give in. Because right now it’s not something I can decide, realise or accept. I’m either forcing myself to feel something or showing myself that I don’t actually feel anything. And neither of those things lead to what I want. I can just imagine the scenario; boy hates girl. Girl despises boy. They avoid each other and can’t stand one another’s presence. They repel each other to such an extent they end up pulling themselves closer to the other. Their hearts turn around and shock them completely by running closer to the other. It seems that that’s where I’ll end up. Because out of all the possibilities no one’s taken the time to allow me to open up properly again. No one’s bothered to try and get in an intimately close position to me. Hence why I haven’t began the process of starting anew.
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